Problems classified:
Psychologically, problems can be classified into two types. One type is the problems 'to the children' both physically and mentally. The other type is the problems 'by the children' in various matters affecting the whole atmosphere of the family.
Type.I problems are related to speech, handicapped, left handedness, bad dreams, nightmares, nails biting, thumb sucking, etc.
Type.II problems are related to delinquency, aggressiveness, bullying, obstinacy, temper tantrums, telling lies, sibling rivalry, etc.
Identifying the problems:
Type.I problems are normally physical problems while the others are mental based. The former can be identified and cured if proper medical care is taken. But the later can neither be easily identified nor be cured absolutely. The parents find it difficult when the second type problems are with their children. Only experts in psychology can analyze the problems by counseling and suggest remedy. The various ‘problems by the children’ are discussed as follows.
Delinquency:
We know stealing, gambling, cheating, violence, pick pocketing, raping and similar such antisocial acts are criminal natured. If any of one such is committed by an adult, he or she is punished with penalty or imprisonment or both. When such things are done by children upto twelve years, they are called delinquencies. Again they are of two types called potential delinquents and actual delinquents. When the criminal acts are at mind level, the children are called potential delinquents and when they actually indulge in action, they are called actual delinquents. Both are equally bad and harmful to the society.
The essential feature of delinquent character whether potential or actual is due to ‘momentary pleasure seeking’ impulses arising with the children now and on. It is noteworthy that the delinquents have no control over this character or give a check against the impulses. Consequently, they continue to indulge in antisocial activities until being detected and caught with red hand. The basic reason for delinquency is the home condition and friends circle.
Aggressiveness:
Aggressiveness is a show of temper. It is sometimes normal and usual. Such character is serious when it is persistent and unusual in certain cases. Aggressive children are problem children only in case of unusual and unnecessary behavior in one hand as well as regular and persistent on the other hand.
There are two types of aggressiveness. One type is to cause damage on other objects and people. They are called the ‘sadistic’ with externalized cause from the surrounding world. The other type is to express the anger on himself and are called the ‘masochistic’ with internalized reasons. The children are tyrants in school, feel frustrated, interfere in others’ affair, need love from others, adventurous and feel unsecured.
Obstinacy:
Obstinate children are always contradicting, rebellious with others, arguing for everything, not flexible but rigid in many things. Obstinacy is similar to aggressiveness. The behavior will be somewhat rude and rough. Disobedience is another nature with obstinate children. In many cases, it is due to sibling rivalry when the parents show unequal importance for different children of their own. Obstinate children try to get the things done by such indifferent behavior towards others particularly with the parents.
Shyness and hesitation:
Feeling shyness in everything is another problem with many children. If there is meaningless shyness and hesitation, the children cannot do anything with own effort. Such children are always in the mercy of their parents and friends in getting the things done. It is a hurdle against the progress for the child and there is less chance to achieve the goal.
Fear, anger and anxiety:
These qualities are undesirable since they give a set back for doing anything with confidence. For anything, confidence is mostly needed for achieving the goal. If there is meaningless fear and anger, the child will be loosing many things to own. Fear is a submissive character and anger is destructive character. Eagerness is a desirable character while undue anxiety causes personal disappointment in some cases.
Conclusion:
Problem children are to be tackled with utmost care by the parents at home and by the teachers in school. If not, everything will be becoming worst.
It is suggested i) To monitor the children in all activities
ii) To send them to special schools if necessary
iii) To give freedom at home to some extent
iv) To separate from bad friends
v) To provide good atmosphere at home
vi) To make them realize the moral values of life
vii) To teach them good habits
viii) To make them understand the pains given to others
ix) To provide medical treatment in some cases
x) To make them realize the values of ‘good habits’ and evils of ‘bad habits’.
By close and continuous observation in general, problem children can be treated and made good citizens.
Psychologically, problems can be classified into two types. One type is the problems 'to the children' both physically and mentally. The other type is the problems 'by the children' in various matters affecting the whole atmosphere of the family.
Type.I problems are related to speech, handicapped, left handedness, bad dreams, nightmares, nails biting, thumb sucking, etc.
Type.II problems are related to delinquency, aggressiveness, bullying, obstinacy, temper tantrums, telling lies, sibling rivalry, etc.
Identifying the problems:
Type.I problems are normally physical problems while the others are mental based. The former can be identified and cured if proper medical care is taken. But the later can neither be easily identified nor be cured absolutely. The parents find it difficult when the second type problems are with their children. Only experts in psychology can analyze the problems by counseling and suggest remedy. The various ‘problems by the children’ are discussed as follows.
Delinquency:
We know stealing, gambling, cheating, violence, pick pocketing, raping and similar such antisocial acts are criminal natured. If any of one such is committed by an adult, he or she is punished with penalty or imprisonment or both. When such things are done by children upto twelve years, they are called delinquencies. Again they are of two types called potential delinquents and actual delinquents. When the criminal acts are at mind level, the children are called potential delinquents and when they actually indulge in action, they are called actual delinquents. Both are equally bad and harmful to the society.
The essential feature of delinquent character whether potential or actual is due to ‘momentary pleasure seeking’ impulses arising with the children now and on. It is noteworthy that the delinquents have no control over this character or give a check against the impulses. Consequently, they continue to indulge in antisocial activities until being detected and caught with red hand. The basic reason for delinquency is the home condition and friends circle.
Aggressiveness:
Aggressiveness is a show of temper. It is sometimes normal and usual. Such character is serious when it is persistent and unusual in certain cases. Aggressive children are problem children only in case of unusual and unnecessary behavior in one hand as well as regular and persistent on the other hand.
There are two types of aggressiveness. One type is to cause damage on other objects and people. They are called the ‘sadistic’ with externalized cause from the surrounding world. The other type is to express the anger on himself and are called the ‘masochistic’ with internalized reasons. The children are tyrants in school, feel frustrated, interfere in others’ affair, need love from others, adventurous and feel unsecured.
Obstinacy:
Obstinate children are always contradicting, rebellious with others, arguing for everything, not flexible but rigid in many things. Obstinacy is similar to aggressiveness. The behavior will be somewhat rude and rough. Disobedience is another nature with obstinate children. In many cases, it is due to sibling rivalry when the parents show unequal importance for different children of their own. Obstinate children try to get the things done by such indifferent behavior towards others particularly with the parents.
Shyness and hesitation:
Feeling shyness in everything is another problem with many children. If there is meaningless shyness and hesitation, the children cannot do anything with own effort. Such children are always in the mercy of their parents and friends in getting the things done. It is a hurdle against the progress for the child and there is less chance to achieve the goal.
Fear, anger and anxiety:
These qualities are undesirable since they give a set back for doing anything with confidence. For anything, confidence is mostly needed for achieving the goal. If there is meaningless fear and anger, the child will be loosing many things to own. Fear is a submissive character and anger is destructive character. Eagerness is a desirable character while undue anxiety causes personal disappointment in some cases.
Conclusion:
Problem children are to be tackled with utmost care by the parents at home and by the teachers in school. If not, everything will be becoming worst.
It is suggested i) To monitor the children in all activities
ii) To send them to special schools if necessary
iii) To give freedom at home to some extent
iv) To separate from bad friends
v) To provide good atmosphere at home
vi) To make them realize the moral values of life
vii) To teach them good habits
viii) To make them understand the pains given to others
ix) To provide medical treatment in some cases
x) To make them realize the values of ‘good habits’ and evils of ‘bad habits’.
By close and continuous observation in general, problem children can be treated and made good citizens.
3 comments:
OK, I am looking over some things. Actually, I am worried terribly about my 13 year old. Soon to be 14 in a few months. She used to be the picture of perfection. Actually, yes, she was sweet, kind of shy, helpful but she did always have an issue with her 2 siblings. One older, the other younger. At first, I thought maybe it was a middle child issue so I went out of my way, and now some say too much, to make sure not to exclude her. I have always tried to make my time between the 3 as equal as I could. She wasn't a very hands on baby really. She was very content to be fed, bathed, changed and left alone. Though she was truly smiling at 3 weeks and was such a wonderful baby. She didn't want to be handled. She was quite content just laying on the couch beside me and was always smiling. Just so happy. The older she got, well, she just got really mischievous. Now, at 13 she is so hateful to everyone. Not sometimes. All the time. She thinks if you ask her to do a simple chose as to put her clothes up you are out to get her. She thinks everyone hates her when in fact, she lets us all know very plain, right now, that she hates her siblings and really, many other children as well. She doesn't hurt anyone physically. Mentally though she can cut into you like a knife. It's like you feel this hate and see it in her eyes. She seems to really be very self absorbed and seems to think she is beautiful which she is a very beautiful young lady. But I wonder if she really feels the opposite. I myself had the same issues as a teen. I see a lot of myself in her except the fact I could show love. She can't or won't or doesn't. I just do not know. She is a master manipulator and people outside the family really would not believe it if they saw her at home. She hides it very well. I did also think to begin with it was hormonal but that has came and she's been living with that for about a year now and has an everyday PMS. I feel so sorry for her but at the same time I can not let her treat my other 2 children as she does so I get onto her, and even in the nicest voice you could ever use you are screaming at her. She slams things, hates her life and will slam anyone in the way. But not all the time. She only in the last week got physical with her oldest sister. It has not been physical until then. I think out of fear of her own self being hurt she hasn't got that brave yet. I know that it is coming though. I see it and I just know. She is very hateful to her Grandparents, cousins, siblings, her father, me and from what I hear, many kids at school. I am planning after this to write her teacher to ask if they have noticed anything. I've been told many kids fear her at school. I do not want anyone to fear my child! I myself fear her. Not that she'll hurt me physically but that her words will cut into me as they do from the moment we get up til she does to bed. She hasn't been stealing or any of the delinquent things. She does lie so much I do not know the truth if she ever told it. so when they have disagreements I have had them write letters and notes or even hang out together until they get along. I have told them to go to their room which is fine for her but I feel like many times it is not quite fair because the few times I have overheard and caught the act, she's been the instigator. She has the best grades. She is a cheerleader. She hates it if her dad and i come to her games. Yet all the kids at school love us. My oldest is soon to be 17 and it's always been like that. The kids at school love us but I feel like my own 13 year old hates me! The shyness that you speak of. Up until the last month maybe, if that long, she would demand and pitch a hateful fit if one of us, any of us would not call people for her about, let's say her cheer leading and anything really. Now, she has a cell phone so she will text people and on slight occasions she will call but mostly she waits to be called. She used to have good days. Wonderful days where she was such a joy but now, it as though something has taken over her and she can not find the time to be nice. Not even for a moment. Only at night will she tell us sweet dreams and she loves us. She worries if one of us leaves (example-Dad) and she is demanding the other of us to call to hunt him down until we know he is OK and better yet, safe at home. I know that somewhere in there is the girl that she can be. I do not know what to do. I made the mistake because i didn't know how to handle this, and asked her if maybe she were angry and needed to speak with someone other than myself because, well, she doesn't make any conversation easy, and she went off saying I was saying she was crazy and we'd be better off without her. This is a child who wakes up every morning, puts her makeup on for the day and looks the beautiful part but her attitude is not beautiful. This starts every morning until bedtime. She is screaming at us, turn the TV down yet her radio is blasting, the TV in the den is blasting so she can hear it but we should mute ours I suppose. I told her sometimes if she is angry, and she maybe wants to talk to someone other than family, it may help her get through whatever it is that is troubling her. All she got from that was she thinks I think she is crazy. I don't. I think she is in misery over something. I do not know what. I do know I am emailing her teacher and the main thing with them is they are not very discrepant with the children so I am afraid it will cause another war in the house. Her doctor is really not one who quite understands or yet, I do not feel as though he'd be the right one to speak to her about her issues because he is always in such a hurry and not one with very good beside manner so I am looking into another doctor for them right now. I know by what I say, you don't or can't really tell me what you believe it is but maybe you could give me an idea. I do not believe it's a normal situation of just being spoiled because they all have been raises the same and they are not spoiled to get whatever they want. WE have limits and especially these days with the economy as it is. I used to believe it were maybe Hypoglycemia because that is something that runs rampant in my side of the family. My Great Grandmother had it but before they figured it out they actually gave her a Lobotomy. So, I am trying to figure out if this is psychological or what?? Well, that's about it. Of course there's more but I don't even know if anyone will read this so I guess I am mainly writing for my own self. But if by chance anyone were to read this, any input would be great. Thank you.
My daughter is eerily identical to the description of your daughter. I am sorry for what you are going through, but somewhat comforted that my child is not the only one that is going through this. She is also 13 turning 14 in a few weeks. She has a lovely home, friends, does ok in school, but hates everything, never says a nice word, argues, fights, lies about everything.. steals from us, and never admits or apologizes for anything... because it is always our fault, not hers that these things happens. I am wondering if you have received any good advise or had any breakthroughs with your daughter. I am exhuasted and do not know what else to try. I know she feels bad about herself and is putting it on the rest of the world as that is easier than accepting any responnsibility, but it is affecting our son, and as much as we try to give her space and show her love, it ia all rejected and becoming intolerable, exhausting... the rest of us are miserable.. her black cloud is hanging heavily over our home.. Help!
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